All’s Fair in Love and War! Love-A-Licious [relationships] [dating]

All’s Fair in Love and War!

I’m sure many of you have heard the cliché “All is fair in love and war” at least one time or another in your life, you may have even said this cliché yourself.

But the question is, when it comes to love is all things really fair? It is stated that in war, everything is permissible in order for victory and success to be achieved in war. With that it means that even if one had to stoop to diabolical means to conquer, it was still considered fair and necessary in times of war.

So if you had to lie, steal, or cheat, resort to cruel behavior for the cause of victory for a nation and country all is considered fair and appropriate. The two common characteristic of love and war, is vulnerability and open exposure.

But if we dig deeper in evaluating this, does this term really apply to love? In order to win love or conquer love, does one become diabolical to win the heart of the one they are seeking? Are there rules of engagement that apply to what someone can and cannot do in a relationship? If we however, use this premise that everything is permissible we will find that not everything is beneficial for the end results when it comes to love, especially if we follow this strategy or premise.

So then how far do we go to achieve this eternal bliss that we are searching for? Are we to toss out the window our morals, good character and integrity? Now before you state that I’m not a hopeless romantic, and that love is explosive and that I don’t feel your pain in trying to win the love of your life at any degree, give me a chance to explain.


I feel that love is a gift. A free gift that is given without restrictions and I feel that if you have to chase hard after love, while scheming to conjure up things to win the heart of another, maybe it’s not worth all that. You might call it love at any cost, but I would venture to say, if your have to resort to bad behavior to get something good, it would make me seriously wonder about the authenticity of love in this relationship.

For example, let’s define lying. What actually is a lie? It’s falsehood upright, a type of deception to deceive or hide things from another. You can call it, a little white lie, a big lie, a bare-faced lie or an extreme fabrication but no matter how you turn it upside down or right-side up, it’s still a lie, even if you feel it’s harmless.

For some, from fudging their age, to where they live, the job they have, to how much money they have in the bank, embellishment seems to be at an all time high. The greatest fabrication though seems to be lying about their looks, especially when it comes to dating on line. But the hidden lie of one’s marital status seems to be quiet elusive in Cyber World. Despite the fact that they can be anyone they want to be at any given moment because it’s Cyber world some have found this to be the breeding ground for deception. Cyber World can be the true breeding ground for deliberate deception and drama with a capital “D.”

Sadly, enough I had an anonymous caller from my radio show, that told me she was willing to relocate, and pack up everything for the love of her life, only to find out sadly, that the guy she adored, was nothing like his written love letters or profile on the internet. He has taken exaggeration to the extreme. Now I’m not here just to blame men for their underhanded adventures and activities. I find that women have also crept into the dark corners of deception also by misrepresenting themselves.

As I recently listened to a male friend of mine tell me of the agony he felt when the girl that he was communicating on line with, who posted a picture was taken over ten years ago. Unfortunately time had not been so kind when they finally met. He said, she started to shed light on all the false garb (window-dressing) from her fake nails, hair, implants, nose job etc. Sadly, after this revelation of who she really was, she still tried to say that she had only gained about 20 pounds that he now sees.

This is not only a case of delusion, but an introduction of your representative and not the real you. Because of the fear of rejection, most people don’t present their real selves to a person, just their representative. This is one of the perils of online dating. What you see is not necessarily what you get.

So what happened to transparency in a relationship? It appears to win the love you desire, it’s no longer a big deal to be manipulative or use covert operations to win. Romance and Courtship have taken a turn today for the worst.

In this case, to keep someone in your life, both genders have resorted to things that are shameful to mention. But trying to bind someone to you in this manner is never acceptable. Women who have purposely gotten pregnant to keep the man in their life is an extreme example of this. Men, also have shown themselves in obsessive and possessive behavior that can often leads to physical and emotional abuse.

What is important to consider is that you want to have a love that is genuine and of the heart that is equally felt and reciprocated. To achieve this it must start with honesty and end with honesty. There is no short-cut to this. You only short-change yourself in the end when you devise or manipulate to achieve love. The end results later could be unrepairable and will have destroyed the foundation of the beginning of a solid and beautiful relationship. Trust is a very difficult thing to re-establish once it’s broken or damaged.

If the bow of the arrow of love pierces your heart, ensure that before you are too deep in emotion and love’s grip, that this is a mutual emotion that is shared by both parties involved.

The first rule of love you can’t ignore is that you can’t make someone love you or desire you. Love is cultivated and nurtured over time, and if the first seed of love that was planted in the heart lands on good soil in the heart, growth is predicted, but if it falls to the ground death is eminent. Time is the proof of all things. As beautiful as falling in love is, it should be an euphoric, experience that is filled with exuberance. By being real with one another from the very start, can make the love-journey rapturous filled with amorous devotion that is so desired.

Author Candace Chambers-Belida Copyright © 2011

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